dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
