so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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