You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
