come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
