you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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