Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
