So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
either way he was missing a nipple.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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