I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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