I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
