We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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