yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
