Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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