Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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