Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Found your dick twin last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
