she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
