Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
