After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
