dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
