Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
