Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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