You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
