you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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