Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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