I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my liver is dry heaving
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
