hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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