made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
