I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My bed smells like the plague
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