Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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