Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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