I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
