no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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