Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
