I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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