As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you inspire me to be a worse person
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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