Screwed.edu
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think im going to throw up on grandma
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
