I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
