the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
