I would go down on you faster than GM stock
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
