Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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