I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
