A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
