Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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