# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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