When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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