i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
