community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
