Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
