Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
