Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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