He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There are leaves in my underwear?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
