hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
